frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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