Sry I called you an 8
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
