We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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