I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
