return my video game
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
