Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
