I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
