i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
