his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
