He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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