About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
