Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
