uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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