Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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