So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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