If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
