Just fell off a train. Bad.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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