i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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