babies were throwing up all over the place
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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