meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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