omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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