shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
