last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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