New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
