Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
