Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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