All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
