i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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