you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
