The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
