He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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