wakey wakey hands off snakey
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We got so high we made milksteak
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
