My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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