Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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