I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
