Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
