Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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