Im at strip club and am horny
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
