You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
