Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
