No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
