I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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