Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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