Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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