Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
