How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
