yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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