I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
