I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
