Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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