Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
