You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
