a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
