Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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