apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
