I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
