Me. At least after what I've been through.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
