Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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