I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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