I'm drive I can fine osifer
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
