I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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